Desire

You know that Scene in “Up” where Ellie and Carl are laying down looking up into the sky and she starts to see the clouds turn into babies. 

Well I feel like that’s been me since I was a very little girl. I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I’ve always had this deep desire to have a kid. That desire went way further than playing house or carrying around dolls as if they were real babies. And right now, at 24 years old, that desire is exploding. Jon and I know 13 couples that are pregnant right now…. 13!!!! And on top of that in the last year a lot of our friends have had babies.

Babies and pregnancy are all around me.

From songs about being a mom (this one's dear to my heart)

to Pins on Pinterest of babyish things

to articles about the joy of being a mom

to baby birthday parties.

While my desire hasn’t evolved into full blown hallucinations of clouds turning into babies, it’s still an ever present feeling.

So to go back to the movie “Up” for just a quick second……… It’s one of the only movies that makes me full on SOB!!! Now, If you know me, you know I cry at almost any commercial but not cry like I do when I watch “Up”. There’s a reasonable explanation why. First off…… her name is “Ellie”. So instantly I’m feeling super connected to the character seeing we have the same name. Then you throw in the fact that she’s not able to have kids......... Because this desire in me is sooo strong to be a mom and be pregnant, inevitably I fear that that desire will never come true for me.

The bottom line is I don’t know when my time will come or if it even will come. All I can do for now is to trust that God’s plan is bigger than me.

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”.